Challenges.

About that 12 on 12...

While I managed to successfully document 12 days last year, I wasn't sure that I was up to repeating the challenge again this year.

I mean, it was hard.  Twelve random photos is a lot for one day.  If it was a busy day, then I found it hard to remember to snap the photos.  If it was just a regular sort of day, it was hard to find 12 moments that seemed worthy of documenting.

I was undecided.

But on January 11th, when I looked back over my 12 months of collages, I  realized that even though some days were duller than others, and some days seemed to be 'more of the same', it really was a great reminder of what life has been - the highlights of our days, the books I was reading or music I was listening to, our moods, or the latest trend in our family.

Plus, it's called a photo challenge.  A challenge is not supposed to be easy.  It's meant to be difficult.  To tax my brain.  With that in mind, I decided to do it again.  I was all in.

Until I woke up the next morning and was challenged in a different way by one of my kids.  I was told, in no uncertain terms, that my camera was out too often and that they were no longer going to participate.  Only it wasn't said quite so simply.  It was said with a raised voice and in a pretty animated, lengthy, one-sided conversation.  My reaction to this was to put my camera back in the bag, suck it up because we had guests arriving for brunch, and hold back my tears and disappointment.  12 on 12 would be done.  If I didn't have the support of my family then what was the point?

Then, when my sister was visiting, she asked me what photos I'd taken so far and I burst into tears.

I hadn't fully realized how much it meant to me.  Not just the challenge but that simply taking photos is one of those that things that I truly enjoy. I'm not a photographer. But I'm learning and I'm getting better.  And it was wrong to think about quitting because of someone else.

I explained it like this:

I would never ask you to stop playing the drums because they are too loud.  Or to put away your guitar because I don't like the songs you are playing.  Or to quit hockey because I don't like sitting in the cold arena to watch.  I would never.  The truth is, I love listening and watching your face when you're doing those things.  Seeing the freedom you feel when you are completely immersed in the things you love.  Because those things are part of who you are.

So.

I will pick up my camera again.  I will keep on taking photos.  I will continue another year of 12 on 12.  I will respect your request that I not take so many photos of you.  And then I hope that you will remember that even though I am your mother and would do anything for you, I will not sacrifice one of the things that makes me Jennifer.  One of the few things that is just for me.

*  *  *

Tomorrow (or maybe the next day) I will post January's 12 on 12.  They are a collection of photos taken mostly with my iPhone when my heart wasn't really in it.  But that's the whole point, isn't it?  A reminder of that day in January when I realized how important it is for us to do the things we love, to support others in what they love, and then to enjoy the day for what it is.